Top Cereals

September 10, 2018

I tend to buy boring cereal. I go through a lot of Rice Krispies and Raisin Bran. But I still go for the extreme sugar cereals sometimes, and this is my top 10 list:

10. Smacks

Mascot: Frog

Smacks barely make the list. They look really weird, like a bowl of sketchy nuts from a far-away country rather than cereal. And they are insanely sugary. But they have a cool frog mascot named "Dig'em". I don't buy these often but they are always good.

9. Trix

Mascot: Rabbit

I always felt bad for the rabbit in the Trix commercials, he was so close to getting to eat Trix only to have them taken away by those jerk kids. Trix cereal was pretty good, but they aren't fruit shaped anymore. The Trix-makers have gotten lazy and turned the cereal into colorful, bland tasting balls. The rabbit shouldn't waste his time on Trix anymore, maybe he can team up with Wiley Coyote and they can find something else to obsess over.

8. Berry Berry Kix

Mascot: None

Berry Berrty Kix were (was?) amazing. Back in the 90's, they were my go-to weird cereal. They were Kix, mixed in with the blue/red Trix fruits--a great combo! Sadly I think I was the only person who ever ate them, and they stopped making them...until a few years ago! But like Trix, the Kix-makers got lazy, and now they are just balls, no shapes anymore. Not nearly as good, there was something about the fruit shapes that made it taste better.

7. Apple Jacks

Mascot: An angry apple and a rastafarian cinnamon stick

How would you describe Apple Jacks to someone who has never had them before? Vaguely apple themed cereal that doesn't taste like apples? Reject Froot Loops that didn't make the cut? I don't know, but it doesn't matter, Apple Jacks are a great choice. Plus it almost seems like a healthy choice. There has to be apples in there right?

6. Froot Loops

Mascot: Tucan

My go-to late night cereal. When you are dead tired but don't want to go to bed, Froot Loops are a tasty diversion.

5. Frosted Flakes

Mascot: Tiger

Frosted Flakes are almost magical, especially those first few bites before the milk can take over, while the flakes are still crunchy. Definitely the best sugary cereal to eat without milk. Tony the Tiger is a weird mascot, but Frosted Flakes are good on their own, the mascot is just sugar-on-top.

4. Captain Crunch

Mascot: Ship Captain

With Captain Crunch, we have reached the best of the best. One of my favorites as a kid for sure, though I'm not sure why. They really hurt your mouth to eat, and they are almost over-the-top sugary.

3. Spongebob Cereal

Mascot: Spongebob Squarepants

My brother and I went through Spongebob cereal so fast, that we would fight over it in the morning, because it would be gone before the end of the day. So we would usually end up getting two boxes, and labeling them with our names. That's how good it was. I don't even remember what it tasted like.

2. Peanut Butter Crunch

Mascot: Ship Captain

Like a great sequel to an already great movie. Peanut Butter Crunch is like Terminator 2. Maybe slightly less painful to eat than the original Captain Crunch since the cereal is shaped into balls, rather than sharp-edged blocks. The peanut butter leaves such a great taste in your mouth. It makes you want milk, which conveniently goes with cereal nicely. Addictive. I can't have peanut butter anymore so I have to eat regular Captain Crunch instead, but I won't forget how great Peanut Butter Crunch is.

1. S'Morz

Mascot: None

S'Morz is the ultimate sugary cereal. So good, that it is usually found on the top-shelf, away from the eyes of children. There is probably a law keeping it out of their reach, as it is so insanely good, it would put the other sugary cereals out of business if they could get to it. Chocolate, marshmellows, and something else (I don't want to call it graham-cracker). Each bite is perfect. It doesn't taste like a real s'more, and that is fine. S'Morz are good on their own. No mascot is needed here either, the cereal is just so good. I try to get a marshmellow in each bite. Beware, Honey Maid is offering their own version of s'mores themed cereal. Don't fall for it, it's not even close to as good as S'Morz. S'Morz are probably unhealthy.