Ranking the Soccer Jerseys in My Closet

December 14, 2019

My shirt size is medium. That is, until the shirt is dried, then they shrink and are too small. But size large is too big, even after they shrink. A few years ago I discovered how great soccer jerseys are to wear around as regular shirts. They don't shrink when dried, and look pretty cool. I have accumulated a bunch in my closet, and here they are ranked.

17. AC Milan

We wore AC Milan for the playoffs a few years ago. I don't care for the all-White look, they get dirty so easily and just look kind of weird. I had to iron the numbers onto this jersey myself, and there is a slight imprint of an iron where I burned it into the jersey. Least favorite in my closet.

16. Tigres

This season's playoff jersey. Long sleeves, yuck! I feel so constricted playing in long sleeves and I don't ever care to wear them around as an everyday shirt. I don't understand the Tigres either, somehow they are a university team in Mexico, and also routinely champions of Mexico's first division. Only jersey I've worn while getting a red-card.

15. Bayern Munich

Last season's main jersey, but again, with long sleeves. So I never wear it as an everyday shirt. Plus it is very Christmasy and I kind of feel like an elf when I wear it. But it was really fun visiting Munich and seeing all the team gear last year after playing with that jersey all season. So not a favorite or comfortable jersey, but I still have good memories of it. Also, this is the only jersey I've worn and also scored an own-goal.

14. Athletico Madrid

This soccer season's main jersey. The most comfortable one I've had in years. I like the red and white color scheme.

13. Red Timbers Jersey

A stealth Timbers jersey. Since they usually wear green, it doesn't stand out, and I've loaned this jersey to friends before when we go root for the Timbers against RSL, if they don't want to be heckled walking to/from the game. A very cool and comfortable jersey, the red and dark red mix look like the person wearing it fell halfway into some water, and the dark red side just isn't drying.

12. Green Timbers Jersey

I'd like to start off by saying Alaska Airlines really sucks. They sponsor the Timbers and claim priority boarding for Timbers jerseys, but not in Salt Lake. Also, their logo is absolutely terrible, it looks like a half-ape half-man astronaut that is out of his mind. Maybe the USSR tested their early space flights with this wacko, and Alaska Airlines found a picture of it and decided to make it their logo. Anyway, the jersey is great, I like the dark green and it is comfortable. I almost always get RSL fans talking to me when I wear it around Salt Lake which is fun.

11. Real Salt Lake Xango

I really like the RSL Xango jersey, definitely better than the new LifeVantage jerseys because one of the sleeves on the Xango jerseys is blue and the other one red, I like the off-kilter look. The jersey itself is slightly too baggy, but comfortable.

10. Red White and Blue USA

One of the USA jerseys for the 2014 world cup. Looks good, fits good, and isn't loaded up with a giant brand name on the front which is nice. Wore it in Baton Rouge a lot during the world cup.

9. PSG

The classic PSG jersey. I wear it a lot, mostly on Champions League days when I know PSG is playing. I wore it to a real PSG game in France, so it is a special jersey. Fit is good, but not great.

8. Manchester City

By far the best-looking jersey my SLC team has had over the years. I absolutely love the crazy orange and purple color scheme with the fade. However, I don't wear it very often because those colors go really badly with normal clothes. Believe it or not, I do notice, and it just looks bad. Still, one of my all-time favorite jerseys.

7. White USA jersey with collar

It's like a tuxedo shirt, you wear it when you want to be kind of fancy, but not really fancy. I wear this jersey to work a lot on "casual friday" as it is basically just a polo shirt, but is also the main 2014 USA world cup jersey.

6. Charlton Athletic

I got this jersey at the Charlton game in London, and the game was a blast. I like the dark red, and the fact that it is kind of a hipster jersey, as you really have to know England soccer to know what it is since it isn't a popular premier league team.

5. Celtic

I have no association with Celtic other than I think they have one of the all-time best soccer jerseys. The green bars are classic. My jersey's Carling sponsor fell off, and I think it looks even better without it.

4. Jeonnam Dragons

A gift from Will and Rachel after the second time visiting them in Korea. This jersey is their hometown team. The dragon on the jersey is super cool and the jersey is extremely comfortable. It is so cool having all the mysterious hangul text on the jersey. Plus I love the bright yellow color.

3. Brazil

This jersey started my love of wearing soccer jerseys around as shirts. It was my first team jersey after moving to Salt Lake. I love the bright yellow color and the green sleeves. I think Nike makes the most comfortable jerseys, it is like the fabric is made out of teeny tiny dragon scales.

2. Je Suis Paris

After the terrorist attacks in France in 2015, PSG wore this jersey for a few games. It says Je Suis Paris (I am Paris) instead of Fly Emirates. I think it looks so much better than the regular jersey. People always want to talk about the jersey. Either people wondering what "Jesus Paris" is, people who know some French and want to talk about it, or people who realize that it's a PSG jersey and want to know why it is different. It is extremely comfortable and so close to being number 1.

1. Waldo Jersey

The Waldo jersey is the 2012 USA jersey. I love Where's Waldo and this jersey is a perfect mix of some of my favorite things. They are hard to find now, and for good reason, I think they are USA's all-time best jersey.