Graham Cracker Reviews
April 5, 2019
You asked for it, so here it is. A review of all the graham cracker brands I could find. They range from disgusting to awesome, and I tried them all so you don't have to.
Kroger Graham Crackers
Smith's sells Kroger brand stuff, which is normally fine, so I had high hopes for these graham crackers. Boy, was I mistaken. Do you remember the end of Harry Potter 6: The Half Blood Prince, when Harry and Dumbledore go looking in the big sea cave for a horcrux? There is a disturbing scene in that cave when they discover one of them must drink some gross juice to reach the horcrux. Dumbledore explains to Harry: "make me drink this even though I don't want to." That is what it feels like to eat Kroger graham crackers. They are truly horrible. You might be thinking "well you save some money buying the store brand." Don't do it. You are better off burning your money than spending it on these disgusting crackers. The one positive is that they are by far the strongest graham crackers I tested. Not that it matters...they are almost inedible.
Food Club Graham Crackers
Fresh Market is a Utah chain that sells "Food Club" brand. I like it because nobody shops there. According to Wikipedia, it is an Associated Food Stores chain, along with Maceys, Reams, Dan's, Ridley's, and other weird grocery stores. But now for the graham cracker review. They are pretty average. If someone gave you one, you would immediately know it's an off brand. They just don't taste quite right. They don't taste bad, but they aren't that good either. They are acceptable. If you are in a graham cracker mood, these get the job done and you eventually forget they taste weird. They are also really flimsy, and break too easily. If you like to break them and dip them into milk, you will end up with a big mess. Overall, they are fine.
Sprouts Organic Graham Crackers
Sprouts is a weird overly expensive grocery store, similar to Whole Foods. Their "organic" graham crackers taste identical to the Food Club graham crackers. They share the same properties: Off-brand taste that is somewhere between good and weird, and they are very flimsy as well.
365 Organic Honey Graham Crackers
Another "organic" graham cracker. Made with organic honey, cane syrup, and wheat flour, I'm starting to think organic is a synonym for "worse". Don't be fooled, they contain the same number of calories as the regular graham crackers. But they just aren't very good. They taste plain and slightly bland. Definitely not ideal for smores. And they crumble badly when broken apart. These organic graham crackers are also the most expensive on the list, and I won't be buying them again.
Great Value Honey Graham Crackers
I buy a lot of Walmart's store brand: Great Value. Usually it is just fine. I was a little nervous for these Great Value graham crackers after trying Kroger's horrible store brand. To sum it up, they are horrible, but not quite as horrible as Kroger. They aren't worthy of two stars, but one star is Kroger territory, so these Great Value crackers get one and a half. They taste like something you'd get at some church event as a kid, but worse. You'll regret it if you buy them, just spend the few extra cents and get something else.
Original Nabisco Grahams
This was the graham cracker I was most excited to try. I have walked past the graham cracker aisle my entire life without noticing them, after all, graham crackers normally come in a blue box. But these come in a bright red box. They must be some crazy special cracker right? Well, on further study, they aren't very different at all. It turns out they are made by Nabisco, just like the regular Honey Maid Graham crackers people normally buy. And they taste about the same too. The only difference I could see was they don't have honey. They are definitely good graham crackers. They break apart nicely and taste good. If you compare them side-by-side with regular Nabisco Honey Maid crackers, they aren't quite as good. The lack of honey really limits them. But overall, a solid cracker.
Nabisco Honey Maid Graham Crackers
Honey Maid is the ultimate graham cracker. Breaks apart nicely without being too crumbly. Tastes amazing. Great on its own, dipped in milk, or in a smore. This is the one to buy. However, avoid the low fat versions, they don't taste right. And Honey Maid now makes a "Smores" cereal. Don't be fooled, it isn't the same as S'Morz cereal and doesn't even come close. But if you are buying graham crackers, Honey Maid is the best.
Nabisco Honey Maid Graham Crackers Fresh Stacks
Like the classic Honey Maid Graham crackers, these are excellent. They come in smaller packs though, and have a different texture and aren't quite as good. They still get five stars, but if you want the ultimate graham cracker experience, go with the originals. Fresh Stacks should be for when you only want to eat a few at a time.
Trader Joe's Honey Graham Crackers
After trying all the other store brands, I was prepared for some generic graham crackers from Trader Joe's. However, these are really good. They are by far the best non-Honey Maid graham crackers. Their big flaw is that they don't break apart easily. If you follow the dotted lines, they crumble. Breaking them perpendicular to the dotted lines gives best results. If you are boycotting Honey Maid, or just want to try something different, definitely go with Trader Joe's.